The Three Ages We Carry: A Reflective Moment on Milestone Birthdays
It was my birthday at the end of October, and as I was reflecting about my age - what it signals, what it stirs up, and how it shapes my self-perception. I came across an article by Professor Lynda Gratton.
In it, she describes something that stayed with me - we all carry three versions of age:
Our chronological age - the number the world sees
Our biological age - the state of our health, resilience, and energy
And our subjective age - how old we feel inside
Professor Gratton’s point is that when these three don’t align, it isn’t denial. It’s complexity.
As I reached one of those milestone birthdays, that idea resonated. Our internal sense of age is rarely straightforward. We may feel younger in spirit than our years suggest, or older in wisdom than our experience implies. It shifts depending on what life and work ask of us.
This led me toward a moment of reflective practice - pausing long enough to look inward, notice what has changed, and ask why it matters. Being reflective isn’t about over-analysing. It’s about creating a moment of clarity: acknowledging where we’ve been, understanding how we feel today, and paying attention to what we want to carry forward.
Many leaders spend so much time making decisions, guiding others, and responding to what’s in front of them that leadership self-awareness often drifts quietly into the background. But these quieter moments - the ones we rarely schedule - shape us just as much as the louder ones. They are the grounding moments behind reflective leadership, intentional leadership, and even the way we show up in leadership in teams.
There are many reflective practice models out there, but sometimes the most meaningful reflection comes from the simplest pause - a gentle noticing of how we’ve changed and what still feels true.
So, as another year arrives, I’m choosing not to simplify anything.
I’m welcoming the layers, the contradictions, and the parts of ageing that don’t fit neatly together but make us more human. These are the moments that feed personal development for leaders, helping us stay connected to who we are and how we want to lead, not just in our work, but in our lives.
Here’s to growing older.
Here’s to growing wiser.
And mostly, here’s to growing more complex.
Nicky Gray is a senior People & Culture leader with more than three decades of international experience guiding organisations through change, growth, and transformation. Her career spans global expansion, M&A, divestments and large-scale cultural shifts, including over twenty years as Chief People & Culture Officer at Fremantle.
She now partners with leadership teams and organisations to develop purposeful, human-centred cultures where people can thrive. Nicky’s work is grounded in clarity, collaboration, and a deep belief that everything starts with purpose.
