How to set boundaries at work
Setting boundaries for me has been a work in progress that has taken place over many years. After a lengthy corporate career I was far more skilled in how to work hard, be helpful, say yes, and not make things difficult. The Covid months made it easier to forget my personal boundaries as I was working from home all the time and had nowhere else to be. It was easy to fill my hours with calls. Calls at 10.30pm or at 6.00am were easier to accommodate and I was used to being accommodating. Then I set up my own business and realised that the boundaries were all mine to set.
This is a conversation that I have been having with some of my clients. How do we manage to set boundaries that work for everyone, work, family, friends and me.
Learning how to set boundaries at work isn’t about becoming difficult or unapproachable. It’s about knowing where your personal time and your job are likely to clash and then taking steps to prevent that from happening. It might be one of the most important things you do for your career, your relationships, and your wellbeing. From my own personal experience the thing that I always offered up first was my personal wellbeing resulting in sleepless nights, susceptibility to illness and lots more.
What do we mean by boundaries at work?
A workplace boundary is simply a limit you set around your time, your energy, your emotional availability, or your responsibilities. It’s saying: this is what I’m available for, and this is what I am not willing to compromise on..
Boundaries can be practical, not checking emails after a certain time, not taking on work that belongs to someone else, protecting family commitments above work commitments, asking for a meeting agenda before you agree to attend. They can also be emotional, perhaps choosing not to absorb a colleague’s stress, or deciding not to engage with conversations that leave you feeling undermined.
It is my belief that both are necessary.
Who find this hardest to do?
Here’s something I see with almost every client I work with: the people who most need to set boundaries at work are often the most capable, most committed, most conscientious people in the room.
When you care deeply about doing good work, it becomes very easy to convince yourself that just this once, you’ll stay late. Just this once, you’ll take on the extra project. Just this once, you’ll let the comment slide.
The problem is that “just this once” has a habit of becoming regular.
There’s also the worry that setting a boundary will make you look like you’re not committed, not a team player, not willing to go the extra mile. In industries where long hours and total availability have become badges of honour. However the contradiction is often the people who set clear, consistent boundaries aren’t seen as difficult. They’re seen as professional. They’re trusted with important work, because they’re reliable. They’re respected, because they respect themselves and they are organised.
“Setting a boundary isn’t closing a door. It’s deciding which doors you actually want to open.”
5 steps to set boundaries at work with confidence
These steps are intended as a framework, something to come back to when you’re not sure where to start.
1. Get clear on what you actually need
2. Start small
3. Use simple, direct language
4. Expect some discomfort
5. Be consistent
What to expect when you start setting boundaries at work
When you start setting boundaries at work, not everyone will be pleased. Some people have benefited from your lack of them. A manager might push back. A colleague might be surprised. You might even feel guilty, especially if you’re someone who’s always put others first.
That guilt is not a signal to stop. It’s a sign that you’re changing a pattern, and the pattern needs to become a habit.
Over time, something interesting tends to happen. The pushback fades. The important people who truly respect you adjust. And you begin to have energy for the parts of your work (and your life) that you’d been failing to get to.
A note for those in career transition
If you’re reading this at a point of change, perhaps questioning whether your current role is still right for you, or navigating a shift in an industry that’s going through real upheaval, this section is especially for you.
In my experience, the feeling of needing to make a career change and the feeling of having no boundaries left are often deeply connected. When we’ve given so much for so long, with so little sense of where our work ends and we begin, the entire career can start to feel unsustainable, not just the job, but the whole thing.
Sometimes the answer is a new direction entirely. But sometimes its setting clear, confident boundaries in the role you’re already in creates enough breathing room to think clearly about what you actually want.
Either way, getting clear on your own purpose, what you value, what you need, what kind of work genuinely energises you is the foundation. Everything else, including your boundaries, flows from there.
Ready to take the next step?
Setting boundaries at work is a skill. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice, support, and a bit of self-awareness. If you’d like to explore what’s really driving the overwhelm you’re feeling, and build a clearer sense of what you want your working life to look like, I’d love to have that conversation with you.
I’m Nicky!
As an enthusiastic senior leader with over three decades of international people and culture experience, I help organisations navigate fundamental change and transition from global expansion to M&As, divestments, diversification, and even a global pandemic. My belief system centres on ‘everything starts with a purpose’, and I apply my experience and insight to inspire others to reach their full potential.
